Friday, May 27, 2011

Time to stop putting it off...

I had been putting off posting in the hopes that some miracle might happen.... but its time to bite the bullet.

Unfortunately the beautiful little eggie didnt take. Its funny, because even though my part is done and dusted, I really feel like I have let my IPs down. I know I have no control over how that part of things plays out (well, in all reality I have almost no control in how ANY of it plays out.... just the docs and drug amounts I guess!) but I still keep thinking back, and wondering if I could have done something 'better' lol. Silly eh.

My IPs are amazing as usual, after so much heartache and so many failed cycles I guess one more just falls into the crap pile un-noticed. I do wonder a little though if she was acting less disappointed than she truly felt, so I wouldnt feel too bad about it all. They have always worried more about me than they have about themselves, such an amazing selfless couple who I would cycle for 100 times if they needed me to.

So, what is the plan now you ask?? My Current IPs have their second frosty baby on ice - which they will transfer when they feel ready. So I will keep you updated on how they are doing. I can imagine that even if (when!) this next egg takes I will be cycling for them in the future again anyway.... for siblings (what do you think guys?? x x)

Next on the books, I have been speaking to a beautiful woman in Sydney. It originally started out as a genuine friendship, but we found we really clicked, and so the planning has begun! :) We are waiting on a few more test results at their end, and for Melbourne to release my records, then hopefully we will be all go! I am back on the pill to prepare, and already look like a hormonal teen (I thought the pill was supposed to make your skin BETTER!?)

Bring it on!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Sorry about the delay!

I had been a bit down about the results, so hadnt popped in to update for a while - I hope I wasn't too missed!

The first few scans were great, then all of a sudden the next scan revealed all the follicles had practically shrunk except 4. We were all pretty confused - and the decision had to be made whether to continue or cancel they cycle. My IPs decided to give it a shot, so I triggered a few days later and jumped on a plane to Melbourne the next avo. I was feeling like I had really let them down, and felt like such a failure but I was happy we were still going through with it, I think I would have felt much worse if it had of been cancelled.

It was so wonderful to see them both again, and I wasnt at all nervous, just super excited. That night they took me to a gold class movie, and oh my gosh, it was AMAZING! I had so much fun, and little did they know they picked the exact movie I had been hanging out to see!! I was totally and utterly spoiled, and I felt so special and appreciated.

The next morning we were up bright and early and off to the clinic. We didnt wait long, I was taken through and put in a gown, given magazines and a blanket - and patiently waited. Each few minutes a different nurse would come through and double check my details, and then the doctor :) It was time to go through..

I still wasn't nervous in the slightest, the ONLY thing that worried me a teeny bit was the whether the anaesthetist was going to use a bit of local before they put the drip in, because I have crappy veins and it usually takes a few times so gets a little sore, but before I could say 'hello' my arm had been yanked out and it was in, and was actually less painful than what the local usually is! So that was awesome. Then without much hesitation I was out to it....

I opened my eyes, really hoping to hear the number 5, I figured 4 was ok, but how great would it be if they found one hiding somewhere....... out of the docs mouth came the number 3.... and I burst into tears (just to top it off it was the ugly cry..) I felt like such a letdown. 3. 3!? Youve got to be kidding me. Everytime a nurse asked me how I did, I burst into tears. I felt sick at the thought of telling my IPs I only managed to get them 3 eggs.

But, as always, they made me feel better. They were caring, and appreciative, and made me feel like I had done a great job, And then everyone else around me kept drilling into me.. "It only takes one!!!!!"

After the pickup I felt only slightly tender, much better than I had anticipated. The only time I felt awful was about 2 hours after, I became very dizzy and felt really sick, but after a couple of hours sleep and being fussed over I felt much better, and I flew home that night.

Sunday morning I was SO nervous, waiting for the call from my IPs to tell me if they were heading in for transfer Monday morning or not. I was so petrified that no eggs would fertilise and they would be left with nothing. But the call came, and I couldnt stop smiling all day. Monday morning gave us more specific info, 2 of the 3 eggs had fertilised, and BOTH were the best possibly quality you can get (grade 1 out of 5) - which is totally amazing - and I didnt think my smile could get much bigger, but it did. So, transfer was done, and the other eggie was put on ice :)

The 23rd of May is test day... I am 100x more nervous now that what I was throughout any of my part... they really deserve this, and are such beautiful people. Lots of crossed fingers and sticky thoughts would be greatly appreciated about now!!! You will hear from me in a week and a bit... x x