I was lying in bed last night, thinking about what will happen if this goes as well as I hope, and my IP's get pregnant. I thought about how I could go about finding another couple, and realised that it really is a MAMMOTH task and I have been so lucky with my current IPs that everything just feel into our lap. Destined to be eh - oh, and while I remember, I wanted to quickly tell you what happened when I had my bloods taken.. Hubby and I see 1's freakishly often, but at appropriate times (when we are thinking of someone, or struggling to make a decision) Well, when I had my bloods taken for this cycle I had to sign the forms, and I asked the nurse the date, as she said '10.01.11' I smiled and it gave me warm fuzzies as I wrote it down, but would you believe as she put the needle in and I looked away I happen to glance at the digital clock, 11.11 - would you believe it. I found this: "Whenever you see the sequence 111 or 1111 show up, it is a great sign of a golden opportunity. Both sequences mean that a "doorway" has opened up in which your intentions and goals will manifest extremely quickly"
So anyway, back to the topic - obviously one of the massive hurdles you face as a donor is finding a recipient. All of the donor sites forbid you for advertising yourself as a donor, they say it could mean that a lot of potential IP's get let down, and it would just resemble a meat market. Now while I understand this, I also feel as if the role of the donor should be made as simple and straight forward as possible.
The search for IPs is a long and arduous task - Firstly I have to trawl through adds. Possibly a crapload. If I see an add that sounds suitable, the first thing I have to do is email them and ask them questions, and try and gauge if we are on the same page. If not, how do you possibly say "oh, thanks anyway, not the sort of person I am looking for..." without having got their hopes up? and even worse, what if the IP doesnt like YOU!? What about the potential of donors getting let down? "Gosh Im sorry, yes I really want a donor egg, just not your donor egg, but thanks anyway" Imagine losing a potential donor candidate, purely because of a few picky IPs... What a huge loss for those who would have loved those eggs.
There seems to be a common presumption that donors have plenty of time on their hands, they have hours to read about IPs and hours to get to know if they would be a good match. In all seriousness, what is wrong with advertising yourself? If an add were to say:
Im looking for a couple, that feel 'this' way about egg donation, that would like 'this' amount of contact with the donor after a baby is born, that have 'these' beliefs - And then give a good description of oneself, along with CLEARLY specifying that only one or two suitable IPs will be replied to, how is that possibly any more of a letdown than placing a 'donor wanted' add, and not hearing from anyone. And how is that possibly not so much more productive, knowing that you will automatically be cancelling out the people that dont fit your beliefs and more importantly, the ones that really dont want your eggs!?! Yes, I can imagine you would get lots of emails, and possibly lots of phonies, but I trust my instincts, and I trust that I will be drawn to the right person getting in touch with the questions you want answered, as I have been drawn to my current IPs.
I was a member of another fertility forum, and when I went to visit today I had been deleted, purely because I dont spend my life on there. I emailed them to ask if they could reinstate my membership - 'oh, just re-apply' I was told. Theres that presumption again, of course I have time to fill out the membership forms again, and explain why I want to be on the forum! What on earth else could I possibly have to be doing today?
What a rant eh. Poor hubby has copped it all day today, it seems this pill makes me quite moody. Gosh I hope my IPs dont thing Im Eggzilla. No need to worry about my well being guys, I think its my man you all need to look out for! Youll soon learn Im one to voice my opinions, especially when Im moody - I apologise to the places I phoned and moaned to today - actually no, Fisher and Paykel can kiss my bum cheeks - I may be moody, but it seems with my mood comes productivity. And that, well, I can always benefit from a little more of ;)
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
A quick thanks..
I felt this was a really important thing to do, right at the start - because there are people who have held my hand up until now (well, they continue to do so!) so I just wanted to take a few moments to thank them....
Firstly obviously my Husband, for being so amazingly supportive and I know he will stand by me every step of the way, those who know him know how kind, compassionate and amazing he is, I dont know what I have done to deserve such an amazing person in my life but every day I feel so fortunate to have him.
Secondly, a couple of girls locally here who are also ED's. You know who you are girls. Its amazing knowing I have such a great support network - and so reassuring knowing youre always there. One in particular, youve have been my bouncing net, you have supported me with all my questions and instantly tolerated my 'all too honest' personality. You have become more than just someone I have something in common with, you have become an extraordinary friend who has already come to my rescue on more than one occasion.
To all my friends and family who are so supportive, its so great you have taken such an interest in this, and I only hope one day you might all consider helping someone out. Thank you all so much for the kind words and encouragement x x
And finally, to my BEAUTIFUL recipient... Your strength and compassion blows me away. I cant quite get my head around the fact that you are constantly concerned with MY health, and MY well-being and worried about MY possible disappointment. After all that you have been through, your heart and soul still beams with radiance, I only hope I learn a thing or two from you and I really hope the connection I already feel in some way reflects our future as friends. I am so excited about this hill that we are all finally going to climb together, I have a feeling once we hit that hurdle at the top its going to be a fun ride down!
Firstly obviously my Husband, for being so amazingly supportive and I know he will stand by me every step of the way, those who know him know how kind, compassionate and amazing he is, I dont know what I have done to deserve such an amazing person in my life but every day I feel so fortunate to have him.
Secondly, a couple of girls locally here who are also ED's. You know who you are girls. Its amazing knowing I have such a great support network - and so reassuring knowing youre always there. One in particular, youve have been my bouncing net, you have supported me with all my questions and instantly tolerated my 'all too honest' personality. You have become more than just someone I have something in common with, you have become an extraordinary friend who has already come to my rescue on more than one occasion.
To all my friends and family who are so supportive, its so great you have taken such an interest in this, and I only hope one day you might all consider helping someone out. Thank you all so much for the kind words and encouragement x x
And finally, to my BEAUTIFUL recipient... Your strength and compassion blows me away. I cant quite get my head around the fact that you are constantly concerned with MY health, and MY well-being and worried about MY possible disappointment. After all that you have been through, your heart and soul still beams with radiance, I only hope I learn a thing or two from you and I really hope the connection I already feel in some way reflects our future as friends. I am so excited about this hill that we are all finally going to climb together, I have a feeling once we hit that hurdle at the top its going to be a fun ride down!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
My Introduction!
Hubby and I lost our first baby at just under 20 weeks, and right from that point I decided I wanted to give back if we managed to have our own beautiful family. We have done just that, and after considering surrogacy, I decided my body really does suck at being pregnant, so decided Id egg donate instead. Our kids are happy, healthy and allergy free so thought it would be a great gift. Right from the get go I had hubbys full support (in fact he even considered sperm donation!)
I started off by joining www.aussieeggdonors.com - which is made up of both Kiwis and Aussies. I never intended to commit to anyone because I was still breastfeeding my son, and I didnt want to feel rushed into weaning him. I had been reading everyones stories, and getting to know people on AED, and one person in particular caught my attention. Everything she ever said or did just beamed with a genuine intention to be supportive for others, there never seemed to be any WANT WANT WANT like a lot of others.
We got chatting about everyday stuff (sounds like net dating doesnt it!) and after a while I asked her where in her journey she was at. She hadnt yet posted her add, even though she had been around for months, she said she didnt feel as deserving as some of the other girls looking, so she had been hesitating to post it (awww - and SO not true!) I mentioned to her that if by the time I was ready, she hadnt found someone, I would love to be her donor (obviously we went through a LOT more stuff to make sure we were wanting the same things, but our views are so similar its almost scary!)
She was blown away, and because we matched so well, she asked how I would feel if she just waited until I was ready. And she was SO supportive of my feeding, not once did she say anything other than 'KEEP FEEDING him, let it happen when youre ready!' She was amazing.
So, now we are at that stage where I have weaned, we have had (by WE I mean Hubby and I) our phone counselling to make sure we both know what we are in for and we are suitable, mentally and genetically, which went great and were given the thumbs up. My first appointment at the clinic is booked for this THURSDAY! 3rd Feb, thats when I will get all my meds, actually MEET my IP's (intended parents) for the first time (my butterflies stir just thinking about it! Even though we have spoken on the phone so much, meeting will be very nerve wracking!) We have had our initial bloods done, and I am on the pill (we are doing a down reg cycle)
The donation will be open obviously, so my kids, good friends, and family all know whats happening, but for now the 'who' is for us to know :) The child will be told, and I will play a good friend role. If worst comes to worst and the relationship breaks down, I will have 3 monthly updates and photos for the first 2 years, then yearly thereafter.
So I will update as the process takes place, if this first donation goes well I plan on donating quite a few times. I havent yet even looked at a second set of IP's though (some people do....) - My priorities lie with my current IPs!
With Thursday approaching so quickly, I am so excited and nervous all at the same time. I keep thinking "what if they dont like me!" or "What if Im so nervous I say something stupid and make a right tool of myself!" - But then I calm down and think that they are probably feel just as anxious, if not worse!
Thank you for popping in and reading about the beginning of my journey, I really hope this blog helps to get the word out about egg donation and possibly even help a few decide to take the leap! So many women are faced with this issue, and there is a severe shortage of donors. I understand this is a big thing to take on, but try putting yourself in their shoes for a second, it would be hard enough suffering years of fertility issues, and being told you need a donor, let alone actually having to FIND a donor.
Do you think it is something you could do?
Most clinics require a donor to have finished their own family (there is a small risk donating can impact on your own fertility) and be under 35. There are lots of options, from anonymous, to open, so plenty of choices to suit your beliefs and views.
I started off by joining www.aussieeggdonors.com - which is made up of both Kiwis and Aussies. I never intended to commit to anyone because I was still breastfeeding my son, and I didnt want to feel rushed into weaning him. I had been reading everyones stories, and getting to know people on AED, and one person in particular caught my attention. Everything she ever said or did just beamed with a genuine intention to be supportive for others, there never seemed to be any WANT WANT WANT like a lot of others.
We got chatting about everyday stuff (sounds like net dating doesnt it!) and after a while I asked her where in her journey she was at. She hadnt yet posted her add, even though she had been around for months, she said she didnt feel as deserving as some of the other girls looking, so she had been hesitating to post it (awww - and SO not true!) I mentioned to her that if by the time I was ready, she hadnt found someone, I would love to be her donor (obviously we went through a LOT more stuff to make sure we were wanting the same things, but our views are so similar its almost scary!)
She was blown away, and because we matched so well, she asked how I would feel if she just waited until I was ready. And she was SO supportive of my feeding, not once did she say anything other than 'KEEP FEEDING him, let it happen when youre ready!' She was amazing.
So, now we are at that stage where I have weaned, we have had (by WE I mean Hubby and I) our phone counselling to make sure we both know what we are in for and we are suitable, mentally and genetically, which went great and were given the thumbs up. My first appointment at the clinic is booked for this THURSDAY! 3rd Feb, thats when I will get all my meds, actually MEET my IP's (intended parents) for the first time (my butterflies stir just thinking about it! Even though we have spoken on the phone so much, meeting will be very nerve wracking!) We have had our initial bloods done, and I am on the pill (we are doing a down reg cycle)
The donation will be open obviously, so my kids, good friends, and family all know whats happening, but for now the 'who' is for us to know :) The child will be told, and I will play a good friend role. If worst comes to worst and the relationship breaks down, I will have 3 monthly updates and photos for the first 2 years, then yearly thereafter.
So I will update as the process takes place, if this first donation goes well I plan on donating quite a few times. I havent yet even looked at a second set of IP's though (some people do....) - My priorities lie with my current IPs!
With Thursday approaching so quickly, I am so excited and nervous all at the same time. I keep thinking "what if they dont like me!" or "What if Im so nervous I say something stupid and make a right tool of myself!" - But then I calm down and think that they are probably feel just as anxious, if not worse!
Thank you for popping in and reading about the beginning of my journey, I really hope this blog helps to get the word out about egg donation and possibly even help a few decide to take the leap! So many women are faced with this issue, and there is a severe shortage of donors. I understand this is a big thing to take on, but try putting yourself in their shoes for a second, it would be hard enough suffering years of fertility issues, and being told you need a donor, let alone actually having to FIND a donor.
Do you think it is something you could do?
Most clinics require a donor to have finished their own family (there is a small risk donating can impact on your own fertility) and be under 35. There are lots of options, from anonymous, to open, so plenty of choices to suit your beliefs and views.
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