Friday, May 27, 2011

Time to stop putting it off...

I had been putting off posting in the hopes that some miracle might happen.... but its time to bite the bullet.

Unfortunately the beautiful little eggie didnt take. Its funny, because even though my part is done and dusted, I really feel like I have let my IPs down. I know I have no control over how that part of things plays out (well, in all reality I have almost no control in how ANY of it plays out.... just the docs and drug amounts I guess!) but I still keep thinking back, and wondering if I could have done something 'better' lol. Silly eh.

My IPs are amazing as usual, after so much heartache and so many failed cycles I guess one more just falls into the crap pile un-noticed. I do wonder a little though if she was acting less disappointed than she truly felt, so I wouldnt feel too bad about it all. They have always worried more about me than they have about themselves, such an amazing selfless couple who I would cycle for 100 times if they needed me to.

So, what is the plan now you ask?? My Current IPs have their second frosty baby on ice - which they will transfer when they feel ready. So I will keep you updated on how they are doing. I can imagine that even if (when!) this next egg takes I will be cycling for them in the future again anyway.... for siblings (what do you think guys?? x x)

Next on the books, I have been speaking to a beautiful woman in Sydney. It originally started out as a genuine friendship, but we found we really clicked, and so the planning has begun! :) We are waiting on a few more test results at their end, and for Melbourne to release my records, then hopefully we will be all go! I am back on the pill to prepare, and already look like a hormonal teen (I thought the pill was supposed to make your skin BETTER!?)

Bring it on!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Sorry about the delay!

I had been a bit down about the results, so hadnt popped in to update for a while - I hope I wasn't too missed!

The first few scans were great, then all of a sudden the next scan revealed all the follicles had practically shrunk except 4. We were all pretty confused - and the decision had to be made whether to continue or cancel they cycle. My IPs decided to give it a shot, so I triggered a few days later and jumped on a plane to Melbourne the next avo. I was feeling like I had really let them down, and felt like such a failure but I was happy we were still going through with it, I think I would have felt much worse if it had of been cancelled.

It was so wonderful to see them both again, and I wasnt at all nervous, just super excited. That night they took me to a gold class movie, and oh my gosh, it was AMAZING! I had so much fun, and little did they know they picked the exact movie I had been hanging out to see!! I was totally and utterly spoiled, and I felt so special and appreciated.

The next morning we were up bright and early and off to the clinic. We didnt wait long, I was taken through and put in a gown, given magazines and a blanket - and patiently waited. Each few minutes a different nurse would come through and double check my details, and then the doctor :) It was time to go through..

I still wasn't nervous in the slightest, the ONLY thing that worried me a teeny bit was the whether the anaesthetist was going to use a bit of local before they put the drip in, because I have crappy veins and it usually takes a few times so gets a little sore, but before I could say 'hello' my arm had been yanked out and it was in, and was actually less painful than what the local usually is! So that was awesome. Then without much hesitation I was out to it....

I opened my eyes, really hoping to hear the number 5, I figured 4 was ok, but how great would it be if they found one hiding somewhere....... out of the docs mouth came the number 3.... and I burst into tears (just to top it off it was the ugly cry..) I felt like such a letdown. 3. 3!? Youve got to be kidding me. Everytime a nurse asked me how I did, I burst into tears. I felt sick at the thought of telling my IPs I only managed to get them 3 eggs.

But, as always, they made me feel better. They were caring, and appreciative, and made me feel like I had done a great job, And then everyone else around me kept drilling into me.. "It only takes one!!!!!"

After the pickup I felt only slightly tender, much better than I had anticipated. The only time I felt awful was about 2 hours after, I became very dizzy and felt really sick, but after a couple of hours sleep and being fussed over I felt much better, and I flew home that night.

Sunday morning I was SO nervous, waiting for the call from my IPs to tell me if they were heading in for transfer Monday morning or not. I was so petrified that no eggs would fertilise and they would be left with nothing. But the call came, and I couldnt stop smiling all day. Monday morning gave us more specific info, 2 of the 3 eggs had fertilised, and BOTH were the best possibly quality you can get (grade 1 out of 5) - which is totally amazing - and I didnt think my smile could get much bigger, but it did. So, transfer was done, and the other eggie was put on ice :)

The 23rd of May is test day... I am 100x more nervous now that what I was throughout any of my part... they really deserve this, and are such beautiful people. Lots of crossed fingers and sticky thoughts would be greatly appreciated about now!!! You will hear from me in a week and a bit... x x

Saturday, April 30, 2011

So close!

Everything is going wonderful, I had a scan on Friday (also last Wed but unfortunately the girl didnt provide enough details) and all the little Follies are looking wonderful, and growing nicely!! We really didnt think the small amount of drugs I was jabbing would be enough for decent results, but it seems it has been perfect!! From the scan results fri, it looks as if we might have around 11 eggs, which is an ok number. I would have hoped for a few more, but I think in the IVF world 11 is nothing to frown at. I have another scan first thing Tues morn, and it looks like I will triggering (a different drug I have to inject to mature the eggs) on tues night, fly out wed, collection thurs morn!! SO this is the week.... lot of fingers crossed please... and I will let you know how Tues goes! x x

Saturday, April 23, 2011


Dont we all just love tummy bugs? Its one of my worst fears, if anyone even mentions the word 'Tummy bug' around me, ESPECIALLY if it is something along the lines of "Charlie had a tummy bug yesterday" - look out, because you will be my least favourite person for a while.... Keep your kid at home!!!! Im guessing Corben (my middle sprog) picked it up at preschool - I thought it was a good idea to send him for that extra day at the time... not so much after...

But on a positive note, it seemed to be Norwalk virus, which is reasonably mild, a few chucks and its over and done with. Only one end to worry about, and nice and short lived. All 3 kids ended up with it, I have to admit I was almost in tears when the wee fella was vomiting - its not an easy thing to watch, but Im just thankful it wasnt one that lasted longer. I had some lovely tummy pains yesterday, and felt a bit off, but nothing came of it so Im hoping my body managed to get the upper hand. Hubby seems to have escaped it too, which is the biggest bonus.

So, back to business! Day 3 of jabbing today, and its going great. Day 1 I was nervous, but excited, its such a huge step forward and to be at this stage feels like the final sprint to the finish line. Day 2 hubby watched, I was hoping for a bit of a giggle - I thought he might pale up a bit, but he was sweet as hehe. Today the kids decided they wanted to watch, which I am absolutely ok with, I think my excessive needle phobia came from seeing my mother almost hysterical when it came time for a needle, so I feel that exposing the kids to the fact that its really no big deal and the pain (if any) is very short lived will help them to avoid the fears I had of needles.

Over all I have been feeling fab, the odd headaches I had been getting are gone as expected and other than a current lack of sleep from night spew duty I still feel full of energy. I have a scan at 8.20am Wednesday morning to see how many follies have decided to respond and start their journey... (gosh isnt it amazing to think those little follies could become little babies...) hopefully a nice average amount.

Sending out lots of sticky vibes this weekend for someone I love very much x x x

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The time as come.....!

My IP and I both had our scans today, hers went great, as did mine! I have a pretty massive amount of follies, 15 on one and 18 on the other, so hopefully the nice low amount of GonalF (this is the drug I have to inject, which will possibly start tonight!) will mean that only half will mature, and the risk of overstim wont be an issue. :) How exciting, its amazing to think this has all been in the works for almost a year, and in a couple of weeks hopefully a beautiful little eggie will be nice and sticky for my IPs!!!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

4 days in and feeling amazing...

I thought Id better pop by and update how everything is going! I have been getting used to the taste of the spray (well, lets say learnt to tolerate!) and each time my alarm rings to tell me its time, Im surprised another half day has passed.

So far I am feeling amazing, I had a chat to my IP who told me the first week or so your hormones actually increase from the Synarel, so Im guessing thats why Im feeling so great! I am just crossing my fingers when they plummet in the next few days I dont feel like I have been hit by a truck! No worries if I do though... thats what my gorgeous husband is for ;) hehe.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Ready... set.... GO!

This morning I had my first sniff of Synarel! (Everybody say YAY!)
I got up, and checked my emails, and I had a step by step of how to use my nose spray from my IP.. hehe, which I thought was very cute (Thank you...)  ;) Luckily she warned me of the horrible taste that you experience a short while after spraying.... and luckily I had toast on hand! 
How was it? Well, it didnt burn as much as I thought it would, but it definitely tastes like crap! I have one spray morning, and one spray night. I will stop the pill next week, then have a scan after my AF - if all is good the jabbing will begin!

Thank you to everyone who has been following and commenting, fingers crossed for some good results :) x x

Thursday, March 17, 2011

GREAT news!

Well, I had my scan, and the cyst is GONE! I was honestly SO nervous, I could have cried, and when I realised she was scanning the right ovary and there was no horrible big black patch on the screen, I was over the moon!! When I walked out of the scan Id say the patients waiting thought I was a looney - I had a smile from ear to ear and the receptionist looked and me and said "gosh, that must have gone VERY well!" hahaha. It sure did!!

She also checked my potential follies, which just give a good insight into how my body may respond to the drugs - the were 15 on one side and 12 on the other, so that is a fantastic number. Hopefully it means a nice little amount for my IPs.

I will start sniffing synarel in 3 weeks, it was going to be 2 but we have extended it a week to try and avoid Easter :) We are finally all go! And Im so excited, each day is a step closer and I cant wait! *Dances*

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Not so patiently waiting!

I thought it was about time for an update! Ive been twiddling my thumbs and trying to pick a good time to sit down and write, and it seems the time has finally come!

When I had my check up at the clinic I had a quick scan done to check my ovaries, and there was either a cyst or a follicle on my right ovary. I had a scan booked last week to check that it had gone - but unfortunately the crappy little bugger hasnt gone. So the current plan of attack is to stay on the pill for another 3 weeks, then scan again to see if it has packed its bags! So, in the meantime Im being as impatient and brassed off at my own body as always, actually no, I have to admit MORE so than usual, but my IPs rock and yet again they managed to turn it into a positive moment by pointing out I dont have any PCOS which apparently is quite common and is more of a PITA when it comes to donating! Wish me luck its GONE by my next scan!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

An interesting Article...

One of the girls on AED shared this article, and I wanted to share it with all of you because I think its fantastic!

Genes must be ‘expressed’ within an individual in order to have an

The same gene or genes can express in a number of different ways
depending upon the environment. A gene can remain ’silent’ or
unexpressed; it can be expressed strongly; it can be expressed weakly,
and so on. There is also an entire field of study called imprinting
having to do with which gene you ‘activate,’ the copy you received from
your mother, or the copy you received from your father.

In a donor egg pregnancy, the pregnant woman’s womb is the environment.
It is her genes, not the donor’s, that determine the expression of the
donor-egg baby’s genes.

A donor egg baby gets her genes from the donor; she gets the
‘instructions’ on the expression of those genes from the woman who
carries her to term.

This means that a donor egg baby has 3 biological parents: a father, the
egg donor, and the woman who carries the pregnancy.

The child who is born would have been a physically & no doubt
emotionally different person if carried by his genetic mother.

In horse breeding for example, it’s not uncommon to implant a pony
embryo into the womb of a horse.

The foals that result, are different from normal ponies.
They’re bigger. These animals’ genotype – their genes – are the same as a
pony’s, but their phenotype – what their genes actually look like in the
living animal – is different.
The implication of epigenetics is that the child inherits characteristics from the woman who carries the child even if the original DNA comes from a donor egg. In other words the birth mother influences what the child is like at a genetic level - it IS her child.

Cool huh!!!!

Friday, February 4, 2011

I had an AMAZING day yesterday.

I think I managed to get about 2 hours sleep on Wednesday night, and woke up about 20 minutes before my alarm went off, about 4am, so just decided to get up and get ready. My nerves the night before had been so bad I thought I was going to pass out in the kitchen, so hubby sorted dinner, but luckily I was still a little sleepy in the morning so the nerves gave me an hour break. Once I was ready to go though, they kicked back in, and the drive to the airport was a very busy one for my butterfly farm. I checked in and boarded effortlessly, the new Gold Coast airport is great. The flight was reasonably quick (thank god I had my phone, I played games the whole way!) and as I exited the plane the nerves seem to settle, and seemed to morph into much more of an excitement. It was FINALLY time, and I scuttled so fast up that ramp! As I walked out of the gate I said goodbye to the girl I had been sitting with, and I could see two big smiling faces that I recognised. We greeted with a hug, a hug that felt like an "I missed you!" not a "nice to meet you!" I really felt like I was seeing old friends after a long period of time.

The whole day went without a hitch. Our appointments flowed exceptionally well, the doctors, nurses and counsellor were all lovely, and it was great to get all the good solid details of what will be happening and when. We chatted all day, and ate, and chatted, and ate! (And was it just me or did we all pee a lot?? hahaha) I loved the fact that they were both exactly like I expected. There were absolutely no surprises, and I felt so relaxed with them both. The hardest thing of the whole day was knowing it was coming to an end, and saying goodbye :(

I tried to sleep on the way home, but I was just so amped from how well the day went I couldnt, and then I didnt stop telling Hubby all about it when I got home till very late, so needless to say, today I am a walking Zombie! In fact for the first time in a very long time, I think I am going to put my head on my pillow while the little hand is still pointing at the 8!!

To my beautiful Donors: Thank you, so very much, for allowing me into your lives and allowing me to take part in this amazing journey. You are both such compassionate, gorgeous, down to earth people, and I feel honoured to be part of this. I really hope my body can perform well for us all, and if we achieve what we are hoping for, I have no doubt in my mind that this child (these children!!?!! hehe!) will be loved to the moon and back.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

One sleep!

What can I say other than Im pretty sure someone decided my stomach would make a great location for a butterfly farm, they just forgot to run it by me first. I eventually slept last night - after a lot of thinking and trying to get my mind to stop ticking over. The funny thing is, because I was trying NOT to think about it, so I could sleep, I ended up going over a whole heap of others things that have been playing on my mind. Nothing to do with egg donation. My mind certainly has its own agenda sometimes - Im not sure if thats a good or a bad thing!

Just to clarify, Im nervous and excited about meeting my IPs, Im not at all nervous about the procedure. Someone said to me "ooooh are you really that nervous!? Do you think you might back out!?" err, totally missed the boat there! I cant wait!

The next update you'll be getting from me will be letting you all know how it went, so wish me luck!!!!!!!! x x

Monday, January 31, 2011

The monster is unleashed.... *Rarrr!*

I was lying in bed last night, thinking about what will happen if this goes as well as I hope, and my IP's get pregnant. I thought about how I could go about finding another couple, and realised that it really is a MAMMOTH task and I have been so lucky with my current IPs that everything just feel into our lap. Destined to be eh - oh, and while I remember, I wanted to quickly tell you what happened when I had my bloods taken.. Hubby and I see 1's freakishly often, but at appropriate times (when we are thinking of someone, or struggling to make a decision) Well, when I had my bloods taken for this cycle I had to sign the forms, and I asked the nurse the date, as she said '10.01.11' I smiled and it gave me warm fuzzies as I wrote it down, but would you believe as she put the needle in and I looked away I happen to glance at the digital clock, 11.11 - would you believe it. I found this: "Whenever you see the sequence 111 or 1111 show up, it is a great sign of a golden opportunity. Both sequences mean that a "doorway" has opened up in which your intentions and goals will manifest extremely quickly"
So anyway, back to the topic - obviously one of the massive hurdles you face as a donor is finding a recipient. All of the donor sites forbid you for advertising yourself as a donor, they say it could mean that a lot of potential IP's get let down, and it would just resemble a meat market. Now while I understand this, I also feel as if the role of the donor should be made as simple and straight forward as possible.
The search for IPs is a long and arduous task - Firstly I have to trawl through adds. Possibly a crapload. If I see an add that sounds suitable, the first thing I have to do is email them and ask them questions, and try and gauge if we are on the same page. If not, how do you possibly say "oh, thanks anyway, not the sort of person I am looking for..." without having got their hopes up? and even worse, what if the IP doesnt like YOU!? What about the potential of donors getting let down? "Gosh Im sorry, yes I really want a donor egg, just not your donor egg, but thanks anyway" Imagine losing a potential donor candidate, purely because of a few picky IPs... What a huge loss for those who would have loved those eggs.

There seems to be a common presumption that donors have plenty of time on their hands, they have hours to read about IPs and hours to get to know if they would be a good match. In all seriousness, what is wrong with advertising yourself? If an add were to say:
Im looking for a couple, that feel 'this' way about egg donation, that would like 'this' amount of contact with the donor after a baby is born, that have 'these' beliefs - And then give a good description of oneself, along with CLEARLY specifying that only one or two suitable IPs will be replied to, how is that possibly any more of a letdown than placing a 'donor wanted' add, and not hearing from anyone. And how is that possibly not so much more productive, knowing that you will automatically be cancelling out the people that dont fit your beliefs and more importantly, the ones that really dont want your eggs!?! Yes, I can imagine you would get lots of emails, and possibly lots of phonies, but I trust my instincts, and I trust that I will be drawn to the right person getting in touch with the questions you want answered, as I have been drawn to my current IPs.

I was a member of another fertility forum, and when I went to visit today I had been deleted, purely because I dont spend my life on there. I emailed them to ask if they could reinstate my membership - 'oh, just re-apply' I was told. Theres that presumption again, of course I have time to fill out the membership forms again, and explain why I want to be on the forum! What on earth else could I possibly have to be doing today?

What a rant eh. Poor hubby has copped it all day today, it seems this pill makes me quite moody. Gosh I hope my IPs dont thing Im Eggzilla. No need to worry about my well being guys, I think its my man you all need to look out for! Youll soon learn Im one to voice my opinions, especially when Im moody - I apologise to the places I phoned and moaned to today - actually no, Fisher and Paykel can kiss my bum cheeks - I may be moody, but it seems with my mood comes productivity. And that, well, I can always benefit from a little more of ;)

Sunday, January 30, 2011

A quick thanks..

I felt this was a really important thing to do, right at the start - because there are people who have held my hand up until now (well, they continue to do so!) so I just wanted to take a few moments to thank them....

Firstly obviously my Husband, for being so amazingly supportive and I know he will stand by me every step of the way, those who know him know how kind, compassionate and amazing he is, I dont know what I have done to deserve such an amazing person in my life but every day I feel so fortunate to have him.

Secondly, a couple of girls locally here who are also ED's. You know who you are girls. Its amazing knowing I have such a great support network - and so reassuring knowing youre always there. One in particular, youve have been my bouncing net, you have supported me with all my questions and instantly tolerated my 'all too honest' personality. You have become more than just someone I have something in common with, you have become an extraordinary friend who has already come to my rescue on more than one occasion.

To all my friends and family who are so supportive, its so great you have taken such an interest in this, and I only hope one day you might all consider helping someone out. Thank you all so much for the kind words and encouragement x x

And finally, to my BEAUTIFUL recipient... Your strength and compassion blows me away. I cant quite get my head around the fact that you are constantly concerned with MY health, and MY well-being and worried about MY possible disappointment. After all that you have been through, your heart and soul still beams with radiance, I only hope I learn a thing or two from you and I really hope the connection I already feel in some way reflects our future as friends. I am so excited about this hill that we are all finally going to climb together, I have a feeling once we hit that hurdle at the top its going to be a fun ride down!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

My Introduction!

Hubby and I lost our first baby at just under 20 weeks, and right from that point I decided I wanted to give back if we managed to have our own beautiful family. We have done just that, and after considering surrogacy, I decided my body really does suck at being pregnant, so decided Id egg donate instead. Our kids are happy, healthy and allergy free so thought it would be a great gift. Right from the get go I had hubbys full support (in fact he even considered sperm donation!)
I started off by joining - which is made up of both Kiwis and Aussies. I never intended to commit to anyone because I was still breastfeeding my son, and I didnt want to feel rushed into weaning him. I had been reading everyones stories, and getting to know people on AED, and one person in particular caught my attention. Everything she ever said or did just beamed with a genuine intention to be supportive for others, there never seemed to be any WANT WANT WANT like a lot of others.
We got chatting about everyday stuff (sounds like net dating doesnt it!) and after a while I asked her where in her journey she was at. She hadnt yet posted her add, even though she had been around for months, she said she didnt feel as deserving as some of the other girls looking, so she had been hesitating to post it (awww - and SO not true!) I mentioned to her that if by the time I was ready, she hadnt found someone, I would love to be her donor (obviously we went through a LOT more stuff to make sure we were wanting the same things, but our views are so similar its almost scary!)
She was blown away, and because we matched so well, she asked how I would feel if she just waited until I was ready. And she was SO supportive of my feeding, not once did she say anything other than 'KEEP FEEDING him, let it happen when youre ready!' She was amazing.
So, now we are at that stage where I have weaned, we have had (by WE I mean Hubby and I) our phone counselling to make sure we both know what we are in for and we are suitable, mentally and genetically, which went great and were given the thumbs up. My first appointment at the clinic is booked for this THURSDAY! 3rd Feb, thats when I will get all my meds, actually MEET my IP's (intended parents) for the first time (my butterflies stir just thinking about it! Even though we have spoken on the phone so much, meeting will be very nerve wracking!) We have had our initial bloods done, and I am on the pill (we are doing a down reg cycle)

The donation will be open obviously, so my kids, good friends, and family all know whats happening, but for now the 'who' is for us to know :) The child will be told, and I will play a good friend role. If worst comes to worst and the relationship breaks down, I will have 3 monthly updates and photos for the first 2 years, then yearly thereafter.
So I will update as the process takes place, if this first donation goes well I plan on donating quite a few times. I havent yet even looked at a second set of IP's though (some people do....) - My priorities lie with my current IPs!

With Thursday approaching so quickly, I am so excited and nervous all at the same time. I keep thinking "what if they dont like me!" or "What if Im so nervous I say something stupid and make a right tool of myself!"  - But then I calm down and think that they are probably feel just as anxious, if not worse!

Thank you for popping in and reading about the beginning of my journey, I really hope this blog helps to get the word out about egg donation and possibly even help a few decide to take the leap! So many women are faced with this issue, and there is a severe shortage of donors. I understand this is a big thing to take on, but try putting yourself in their shoes for a second, it would be hard enough suffering years of fertility issues, and being told you need a donor, let alone actually having to FIND a donor.

Do you think it is something you could do?

Most clinics require a donor to have finished their own family (there is a small risk donating can impact on your own fertility) and be under 35. There are lots of options, from anonymous, to open, so plenty of choices to suit your beliefs and views.